You’re invited…

To check out my new blog:

The Plaid Bladder:

Snippets from the daily life of an ordinary genius with overactive bladder 

See you there!

Cheers & God bless,

Your humble genius


One Education, Under God: Prayer in Schools

Two children, twins, were separated at birth. One was sent to a prodigious learning institution under the stern leadership of a white Christian man who led the student body in a word of prayer each morning, read from God’s Holy WORD, and enforced prayer times throughout the day. The other went to a vile, secular government-funded education SWAMP with no morning chapel, no Bible study courses, and instead teachers who believed and TAUGHT evolution under the employment of a “principal” who was a WOMAN, atheist, and wearer of above-the-knee skirts. Christian child-warriors were smacked with rulers for trying to pray for their rotten, free-thinking classmates with parents who let them watch PG-rated programs.

The child who attended the second “school” went on to become an infamous murderer and Satanist who led his graduating class in rituals of the occult, tossing their God-fearing classmates into the sacrificial fire and eating RAISIN CAKES (Hosea 3:1–”Then the LORD said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes’”).

The first child, however, became a strong Republican President of the United States leading with the WORD of the LORD as a sword in his right hand and protecting our beloved country with the impenetrable shield of prayer in his left.

It seems clear to me that the differences between these two twins are enough to prove the importance, necessity, and irrevocable pragmatism that is the strict enforcement and regulation of prayer in schools. Let us destroy the curriculum of evolution and “science” and replace it instead with courses on loving, understanding, and sharing God’s WORD. It is this Word that will show us the path to righteousness, the path to salvation, and the path to overcoming once and for all the sickening plague of Democrats spreading their infectious curse to the youth of our country through the enforced attendance of free public schools.

If we do not start now, if we do not FIGHT, then there is no telling what will happen to this country in the next few years. We may be overcome with Satanists who walk about with veritable flame-throwers of sin scouring the country and beating down each and every one of us who will not join their army of lies, murder, promiscuity, and attending church only on Easter and Christmas.

We MUST stand up and fight for our rights to the First Amendment! Let us make this once again One Nation UNDER GOD, bring back the necessary implementation of prayer in our schools, and truly embrace the Freedom of (Christian-Exclusive) Religion on which our country was founded.

God Bless

Here’s an Essay I Wrote for My Biblical Analysis Class

Final Paper: Gospel Synopsis

Hello, today I will be talking about the Bible, more specifically, the Christian Bible, written by God through His devout followers. In fact, when comparing the same stories included in early Christian gospels, in this study, a simple comparative literary method will be used with examples to argue in defense of this thesis.

In the Bible, there are many stories, and the stories are of God, and they are in the Word, which is of and with God as well. Some of these stories are written more than once, such as the one in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Once, there was a desert, and in that desert, Jesus wept, for he had no water to drink and thus had to resort to drinking his own tears. Meanwhile, his cousin John the Baptist was gorging himself on locusts and honey while diving in his sweet, cool spot in the river Jordan. Jesus wandered for forty days and forty nights, living off sand scramble and tears when suddenly he came upon a lone fig tree. Jesus asked of the fig tree, “Tree, do you know who I am?” The fig tree responded in a manner of silence, and it was thusly that the fig tree answered him. Jesus asked him again with the same reply and once more with no results that differed from the last two. The sinful tree stood proudly in the glaring sun, refusing to humble himself to the LORD. Jesus cast a spell on the tree, and, to this day, the tree does not bear fruit. On the thirtieth day, the LORD began to grow weary. He was tired, hungry, and thirsty. It was on this day of our LORD’s starvation that the Dark Prince Beelzebub appeared to him with a cornucopia of temptations. Jesus approached Satan, thinking him to be a store keeper, as the desert’s heat had begun to play tricks on his mind. Satan offered the LORD a sandwich, and Jesus nearly accepted. The devil continued to try to tempt the LORD in this manner seven times, and seven times Jesus refused, strengthened by the LORD. On the fortieth day, Jesus had reached the end of the desert and came across his cousin John the Baptist swimming in the river Jordan. “Cousin, what are you doing in the river?” John the Baptist answered Christ, “Cousin, I am swimming. God has blessed us with a beautiful day, and I will rejoice and be glad in it,” and Christ was answered. Jesus asked of John the Baptist, “Cousin, baptize me,” for the LORD asks in commands, for it is rude to order but polite and godly to imply command with a rising intonation as if asking a question. John the Baptist swam to the shore and wrung the water out of his beard and guided Jesus to the waters. John the Baptist had the LORD count to three, and on the third number the LORD was baptized and made holy. God sent a dove from heaven to signal to the cousins that He was pleased, and all who saw knew Him and that He was pleased.

And it came to pass that Matthew, Mark, and Luke all transcribed this story. However, they did not all write this story in the same manner. Matthew chose to write the story with a pencil, Mark with a pen, and Luke with a crayon. These different mechanisms contributed to the differences found in each version. Mark’s is easy to read due to his use of a fine tipped Bic ballpoint pen and a clear block print handwriting. Matthew, on the other hand, had the best handwriting—a beautiful script made unfortunately very near illegible due to the smudge marks all over the scroll as well as various black smears from trying to erase mistakes. Luke’s copy is both juvenile and, frankly, of poor color choice. Choosing a lime green Crayola, Luke seems to have held the crayon in his fist like a three-year-old as he childishly transcribed the Word of God. Thus, while all three gospels may have written the same story, their differing writing utensils created a myriad of differences in style and content.

Now that I have told you about the Gospels, I hope you know a little more about God’s Word and why sometimes some of the stories are the same, but they are also a little different as well.


Austin Canady

Marijuana: The Gateway to Hell



As more and more of my FORMER friends turn to marijuana drug use, I realize the serious implications of the legalization movement. These people pushing day in and day out for the legalization of weed are actually pushing for a zombified nation in which no one cares about what goes on in Congress. Here is my analysis of the situation.

The commie Democrats support the widespread use of legal marijuana and have over the years ensured that there are myriad ways of intaking this KILLER substance: joints, blunts, bongs, injections, even hemp lotions! They did this with the knowledge that marijuana fries your brain cells, saps all of your energy, and depletes you of every single nutrient you need to make good, godly decisions. Now, it is extremely obvious that no one would sanely and freely choose to be a DEMOCART, but, with the exposure to the GATEWAY DRUG, they gain access into this world in which they do nothing but sit mindlessly on their couch and pass around the sneaky murderer that is killing their FREEDOM! Once an individual has consumed marijuana, they have reached the point of no return. The Democrats now have them right where they want them and are free to be the puppet-masters of these “stoned” zombie marionettes. They can now feed them any idea they want with the promise of more of their life source (weed) in return. With all of them addicted and in need of more marijuana to just fuel them through their day, the Democrats can control them and exploit them to fulfill their needs.

It is in this manner that the Democrats have begun their scheme to take control of the country with suspected motives to further this conquest to all of North America and then the globe. Once they have a people satisfied with their “deserved” and Biblically immoral freedom to be HIGH, they have gained control. Then they are only a string of peer pressures away from total world domination.

Please keep your eyes peeled and remain on the lookout for signs of drug use among friends and family. Sever all ties with known marijuana users. In cases like these in which an imminent global takeover is at hand we need to do more than “just say no.”

God Bless

Passive Prosperity: Homeless in America

Today, I’d like to address an issue quite close to my heart: homelessness in America. The very notion of it makes my blood boil with rage while my mouth foams with disgust-induced rabies at the easy, laid-back lives these SWINE lead. These entitled commie SCUM get to sit back and relax with their government-provided paycheck for not doing ANYTHING. If the American Dream can be so easily attained by simply choosing not to attain the American Dream, I don’t see how this country will survive this DECADE. Meanwhile, I am slaving away at university working toward a political science degree to FIGHT this problem in our nation. And I’m doing it all on my own! There is no government check coming into my mailbox delivering me a sweet envelope of a 4.0 GPA. The democrat “leaders” in our country are BABYING would-be janitors, McDonald’s fry cooks, and Walmart cashiers. If we continue to support these lackadaisical LOSERS how are we going to show our children the importance of hard work and determination? I can imagine today’s PREGNANT TEENS bringing into this world progeny who read their satanic children’s books like Harry Potter and are spoon fed pre-chewed success earned by the hard-working upper middle class who meanwhile are putting in a hard day’s work for their six-figured paychecks, coming home to a nice suburban neighborhood, and reading to their children from God’s Holy Word while their mother cooks and cleans the house, just like Jesus tells us to do (Source: Biblical analysis).

I hope that you will join me in the fight for JUSTICE, the fight for FAIRNESS, and the fight for EQUALITY. Let’s work together to stop the government’s pay for doing nothing and instead make them pay for doing nothing. 

In short, get a job.

God Bless


Alternate title: Is Welfare Really Fair?

Underage Drinking: What the H*ll Is Wrong with This Country?

It has come to my attention that students and teenagers under the legal age of twenty-one have begun to partake in the consumption of deleterious potables (Source: As a college student myself, I have witnessed this HORRID activity a number of times and am absolutely sickened. I’ve never felt more like vomiting in my entire life. A major offender in this heinous CRIME is the young DEMOCRATS. I have heard innumerable stories of BINGE DRINKING involving several of these teenage liberal commies with “kegs” of alcoholic substance (beer suspected). As the sole member and proud president of the Young Republicans club, I can confirm that this sort of illicit behavior does not occur at any of the Young Republican meetings. Instead, we discuss issues in our country such as the disappearance of prayer in schools and the importance of such American ideals as keeping “Under God” in our Pledge of Allegiance, white people, and enforced church attendance.

The Party Plague is stripping our youth of their morals, and, as a result, we are losing our future religious leaders: our pastors, our preachers, our brothers and sisters through CRHIST JESUS. Underage drinking is telling our children that it is OKAY to be an ATHEIST. We need to do something about this.

I will not stand idly by as our country sinks down into this deep, gurgling morass of ignorance, stupidity, IMMORALITY, and sin.

Please join me in fighting for this important cause.

God Bless

Is Homosexuality Making Your Friends, Family, and Kids Gay?


Is Homosexuality Making Your Friends, Family, and Kids Gay?

The Bible tells us in Leviticus that it is an abomination to the LORD for a man to know another man (in the Biblical sense). I have come to the conclusion through months of reading and analyzing the scripture juxtaposed with various speeches made by Obama that our DEMOCRAT president is slowly infecting our youth with the scourge of homosexuality.

First, let’s take a closer look at the scripture in the pure, unadulterated King James Version translation of the WORD:

“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.”

Notice the use of the word lie later followed by abomination. Let’s sound it out: Uh-BOM-I-nay-shun. Perhaps it is simply the advanced mechanisms of my toned and adept brain, but I feel as if one can clearly pick out the Bible’s warning of a nation ruled by Obama, one who lies. These are, of course, merely the underlying meanings hidden for those who would seek the truth in His WORD and who are blessed by Him with the intelligence and ingenuity to do so. The obvious meaning of this particular passage is that it is morally pornographic to engage in homosexual comportment. The challenge is to overlay the nuances of God’s holy literary prowess to derive a plenary assimilation of His message. I have benignly accomplished this very act for you. It is unquestionably clear that He wants us to be aware of the malignant work of the secret satanist DEMOCRAT dictating our country, spreading gay to our children through the nefarious drug marijuana.

I hope that my work will bring this evil occurrences to your attention.

God Bless